anxiety

i try to go to bed lately, in peace. i can't, without my computer...tv episodes in the background. something left on.
i have been crying at nights, again. like it was when i wasn't medicated. feeling overwhelmed. feeling like i would rather be dead.
there just seems like no justice in my life, right now. it is bullshit.
it's being cut down time and time again. by the people who are supposed to be My People.

i was fired from my perfect job last week. i was asked to leave my residence. i had to come back and live in a place Far from where i really want to be;
retrograde.

god, i love that i can just come here and write, instead of being up late and lonely with my tears.
i sat in the dark on my bed and just....silently sobbed.

i think i made a new friend today. it's now as exciting and new as getting your first friend in grade school. i have been that desperate for people to relate to. for warm friendship.
i'm so sad.....i'm so sad.

i dont really want jake to call me while he is away, is my secret. i think he is realizing. it is just HARD.
i'm going through all kinds of different shit. and i know he is too, but he is not big into communication, i can tell. not like he doesnt wan tto, just doesnt know how.
this is just so hard.

"i cant believe they did that to me."
hurts that that has been the mantra in my mind before i go to sleep for too long now.